We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
