Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
