So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
