Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
