im having a threesome with these popsicles
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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