New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
