The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize