woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
