I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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