Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just had sex bonerless
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
