he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
