so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
