So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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