she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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