No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
