I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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