The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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