Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
