Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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