He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
