i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
