You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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