Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
