I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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