I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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