Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
