yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
