I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
