i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
