I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I deserve this hangover.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
