I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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