the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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