Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
