just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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