There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
