I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
