How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
