Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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