he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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