my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
