Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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