Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
