just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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