You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
