R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
