I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize