I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
