My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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