please come you make the beer taste better
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
