4 words: hood of his car
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i will never coherently bang her
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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