I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dignity is for republicans.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
