I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize