I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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