I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
