Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
