Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
