so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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