they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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