broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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