I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
