I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
