this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
