Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
