We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
