Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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